you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
