it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
