can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
