Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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