I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
