Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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