it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
