5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
