I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't notice because vodka
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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