There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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