4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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