Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
