Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
