would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize