shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
