I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
