I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize