her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drake has all the answers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
