living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
