I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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