Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
