The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
