she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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