dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize