Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
