So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
