Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
