He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there was a trapeze. enough said
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
