dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
