There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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