So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
