if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
