Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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