If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
