have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
