Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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