Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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