if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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