I accidentally burped into my bong.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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