I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
