This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just cut my nipple shaving
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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