doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
