there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
