U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
