billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
