Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
