I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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