how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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