You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
