I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
