kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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