I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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