Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
