I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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