True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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