i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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