nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
