Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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